I was born to be British

Oh, the British.
Perhaps this isn't true in the most base sense: I was most definitely not born British, and I also most definitely will not become British; however, I have complained too much about Britain's rainy weather and youth culture, and so I think it's about time I looked at the positive side of this baffling culture.

I was born to be British. Why, you might ask? It's fairly simple. The British encompass everything I have ever known and loved--perhaps the reason I loved it was because it was British, and it left me with a sneering sense of superiority, but that's rather difficult to explain as a ten-year-old, so we'll have to pretend it's something quite different. I attribute my rather bold statement to several different causes.

1. British humour.
I understand nothing better about British culture than its humour. I am obsessed with it, I enjoy it, I thrive in it. You see, British humour consists of a hearty mix of wit, irony, and my personal favourite, self-deprecating humour. How can I go wrong? This has been my sense of humour since I started understanding the meaning of humour. It is often said that Americans don't understand irony, but if there is anyone who understands irony in the form of humour, it is I, and I relish it. Music to my ears, irony is, and to be honest, Britain is the best kind of place for my kind of humour. It is sometimes dark, sometimes witty, sometimes punny, sometimes dry, and sometimes, it is simply difficult for Americans to understand. It's like I was meant for this place.

2. Tea.
Tea always will be the happiest hot beverage on earth. America is dominated by coffee drinkers. Here in England, my flat doesn't even have a coffee maker. It does, however, have a quick-water-boiler, which  makes making tea literally a minute-long event (depending on how long you wait for your tea to steep, of course). I have bought for myself a large box of Twinings Lady Grey tea, a small jar of honey, and I always, always, always have milk, and I suspect that I will run out of all three by the end of this semester. I love tea, and I will never love coffee the way I love tea. In fact, I will never love coffee at all, though it is much more widely accepted as a morning caffeinated beverage than soda is. Coffee is simply not what I enjoy. Tea, on the other hand, will always have a piece of my heart.

3. Keep Calm and Carry On.
There was never a truer phrase to describe the English. The British do not panic. Ever. If it was the last thing they ever did, it would be to take a deep breath and carry out everyday activities as if nothing in the world could matter more. Almost get hit by a car? No matter--keep calm and carry on. Boyfriend broke up with you and hooked up with your sister AND your best friend? No matter--keep calm and carry on...after you down an entire bottle of vodka (it happens, too). Run out of money? No matter--keep calm and carry on. Essentially, nothing phases the British. This may be a bit of an exaggeration, because any teen, British or not, loves throwing a bit of attention, but the fact is that everyone around that teen will simply keep calm and carry on. No one apologizes for anything unless the need for it is so incredibly great that only an apology will allow one to continue one's daily activities without complete psychological breakdown.

4. An Obsession With Dialects.
Now, Americans have an obsession with dialects to an extent--we love foreign accents. We also love making fun of other American accents, as long as they're not like ours. The English, on the other hand, are obsessed with EVERYONE'S dialect. They think all of them are fascinating. I have overheard more than one British conversation in the library that consisted of something like the following.

Person A: Say 'bottle.'
Person B: Bottle.
Person A: Now YOU say 'bottle.'
Person C: Boh'le

Everyone laughs. Why? Because despite the fact that they're all British, they all have different accents. There's a huge regional difference in almost all dialects here. There's Northern and Southern, Welsh and Scottish, Irish, Newcastle, Yorkshire, London, and more. Southern accents, I've found, are the closest to what we hear on, say, literally any show or film that has any British people in it unless they were hired specifically for diversity of accents. The "proper" English we tend to prefer is, in fact, a Southern accent. So no, not everyone here has the same perfectly proper accent that actors and actresses in films do, which  makes everyone much less endearing, of course. The Yorkshire accent tends to butcher (and I say that as kindly as possible) their vowels, and puts stress on strange parts of words, making it much more difficult to understand; however, because I am as ridiculously obsessed with dialects as any Brit, I've grown accustomed to the sound.

5. I hate the weather.
And so does everyone in Britain. If you want it to be warm, it's cold. If you want cold, it's warm. If you want rain, the sun shines. If you want sunshine, it pours. All day. If you don't want rain or shine, it will do both. And sometimes, just to be spiteful, it will tempt you with the most beautiful day ever, and then add such a bone-chilling wind so that all you can do is stay indoors and look at it sadly. The weather never, ever cooperates, and is never, ever nice. Ever. There is always something wrong with the weather.

6. All things British: class system, history, kings and queens, everything BUT the Royal Wedding.
Fortunately, even when some British humour revolves around British history, I am always prepared. I know more about British history than I do about American history (which, I know, is a HUGE disappointment, but it's true), and British Literature, thankfully, is brought up just enough to make me look better than my American peers, because I have actually heard of them before coming here. Mentions of Lord Byron and Alfred Lord Tennyson and Charles Dickens are not lost on me. Not only do I know them, but I have read their work and know about their lives, and can comment on it. Also fortunately, the only person I have ever encountered who not only brought up the Royal Wedding, but referred to it as "The Wedding" was an American from my peer group, and I did not feel guilty for having absolutely no idea to which wedding she was referring.

7. I was born to be British.
I mean, come on. I've been practicing since I could read.